I don’t want you thinking this is just a stunt to highlight my skills or any of that stuff. After posting Part 1, and reading it, it gave me a feeling of assholishness and boastiness. The truth is, I’ve been living my whole life thinking I don’t remember stuff, and basically that I’m an idiot who forgets everything and is losing his mind. But years go by, and memories are starting to arise, so I felt I must write them down before they leave again. That sounded like I was 80 years old, well no, I’m 27, so, stop interrupting me… evil cricket.
Back to the story.
First day in advertising. Well, my first job was to design a billboard for a mortgage bank. I did about 6 layouts, each one worse than the other. Somehow, my DC saw them, liked them and presented them. None flew, obviously, ‘cause the client knows. It’s stupid to have a colored textured background with free fonts and a stupid headline. I still wonder if my DC did it on purpose. It may have been a lesson. A lesson that led to another lesson.
There it was. Like a gleaming warm burst from heaven. The pinnacle of creativity, the ultimate resource, the holy saint of creativitus. GETTYIMAGES. My DC showed me how you can search ANYTHING, you can put Santa motorcycle road rudolph, you got it; Woman naked 18-22 touching breast children, you got it; Couple fornicating TV, dancing oompa-loompas mixing chocolate white background 30-45, that, well, who knows.
Astonished, my eyes wetting, I saw my future…
So, you’re telling me, there are thousands of people, doing my job for a couple hundred bucks? And what the hell is this crap? The people in the pictures don’t look like us, we’re puertorricans! We are short, dark skinned, dark haired. These people are all pale white, blonde, blue eyed and tall as shit. I think, by that time in my life, I haven’t met a single puertorrican with those features.
I said that, out loud, and pissed. My DC didn’t move, shrug his shoulders and told me I had to add a little surname to my searches: Hispanic. Guess what, you can’t find a Hispanic Santa Motorcycle Road Rudolph. He told me I had to look for a Cute Hispanic Girl. I found it, placed it flush left, big headline in the upper half, big ass phone number in the lower half. Approved. Printed. I was so excited and disappointed at the same time. What did I do? What was my job? This shit sucks!
A week later, another bank had the same girl on their ads. Same thing happened about three times more. Then came catastrophe, 2 competitor banks, 1 government office and my bank, same day, same picture, same newspaper.
Fuck this shit man, this is bullcrap.
And now wait for part 3. After this, or before, it depends, ‘cause stupid blogs are backwards. Yeah, I repeated on purpose, ‘cause I hate it.